


What I wouldn't have given to have tired of you.

by takemeorleaveme



Category: Last Night (2010), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Based on the movie Last Night, Fluff, I got to write about fashion, I was told it hurt in the best way, M/M, so i guess that's good?, which is a bonus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 09:48:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5159234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takemeorleaveme/pseuds/takemeorleaveme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn and Liam met five years ago during Paris Fashion Week and started an affair that lasted for years until Liam got married.  It's been two years since they've seen each other and Zayn finally swallows his pride to seek Liam out. </p><p>It's funny how one night can completely change everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I wouldn't have given to have tired of you.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SoftlyandSwiftly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftlyandSwiftly/gifts).



> This is based on an AMAZING movie called Last Night. More specifically the dynamic between Alex and Johanna. If you haven't seen it, it's amazing. Netflix has it and it's---I cry every time I watch it.  
> The movie will rip your heart out and not put it back in, hopefully my one-shot can rip your heart out and put it back in at the end. 
> 
> This took me four days, not even, to write. I'm sorry if it's rushed or awful. Please enjoy and I am very sorry about any typos or grammatical errors you come across!!
> 
> This is all because of Taylor or as you lot know her, SoftlyandSwiftly. She's the worst in the best way possible.

Zayn’s fixing his hair as he walks along the river. It’s cool for September but that’s climate change for you. He’s wearing his preferred leather jacket with a beanie he stole years ago with just enough of his jet-black hair sticking out to look like he’s rolled out of bed moments ago.  A look he’s perfected.

 

He can’t pin point when he memorized Paris but he knows it started a few years ago.

He spies a familiar building. His old building. He wonders if the code still works. Although, any code would probably work because if he recalls correctly, he never did enter it right for a solid week and they always go in somehow. He looks up through the windows remembering how he looked at the view as someone kissed up his neck, shivering at the memory. He remembers skin on skin, fingers gripping hair, teeth pulling at lips and eyes burning holes into his being. He forces himself to look away from the building and picks up speed to get to the metro station before he’s late to his meeting with the designer at 10.

 

A few stops later, he’s emerging into the Parisian air once again; smelling bread, leaves and a scent that can only be described as: Paris. He can feel summer drifting away as the fashion world prepares for it’s busiest week of the year.  He finds the building he’ll be living in for the next seven days and pushes open the door.  He’s met with his assistant, Filipe, who hands him a planner with his scheduled week.

He glances at it, knowing his iCal is already updated with everything that’s vital for him to be at. He looks around the room and notices everyone’s already paused their ministrations when he walked in.  He clears his throat.

“Right then, glad everyone made the two hour flight to Paris safe and sound.  Anyone missing Milan yet?”  That earns him a group laugh. “That’s what I thought. Remember that we are here to work. If I hear that anyone has been slacking off, the penalty will be on Polaroid duty with the interns.   Now, down to business. We have six shows to get through this week.  That means we are in charge of getting roughly thirty models the correct locations with the designers we’re working with this year.”

He pauses and lets everyone get his or her roster for the week.

“We are supplying models for the following designers: Lanvin, Isabel Marant, Sonia Rykiel, Jean Paul Gaultier, Balenciaga, and Diane Von Furstenburg. Now, I have also included a list of shows that are happening directly after ours so that the models know if they can stay at a venue or if they have to leave. Since this is Paris, they will have to leave. Most designers here create their venues. Why am I tell you all this?  You know how Paris week goes.” Zayn glances down at the list of other designers and staring back at him in bolded Marker Felt, his own font of choosing, is a name he hasn’t seen in sometime: Paynefully Styled.

He thought this would happen one day. He blacklisted this designer for his modeling career but he forgot that once he started his company, he would need to interact with them.  He furrows his brow and finds their schedule.  It seems they have a show that overlaps one of their other designer’s spaces. None of his models are in it, however. He knows for a fact that this designer supplies his or her own models.

He can hear Filipe cough and he snaps his head up, he’s forgotten he was in a sort of meeting. 

He puts down his paper, “Sorry, lost in thought. I’ve forgotten my train of thought, so I’ll let you all get back to work. Remember, if anything happens or goes wrong; do not go to the designer. Go to the publicist. If I hear about any stressed designer from something you have done, I’ll fire you on the spot and burn you in this industry.”

He waves his hand and they disburse, “Oh. And one more thing.” He pauses, “Try to enjoy yourselves, it is Paris after all.”

He smiles and turns to Filipe, “Okay, how busy am I for the week?”

The other man smiles, “You actually have one night off. It’s tomorrow evening.  There are no shows and no meetings.  You are blissfully free.”

Zayn’s eyes narrow, “Are you joking with me? Don’t dangle this in front of my face only to yank it away.”

“No, sir. You are completely free for twenty four hours starting tomorrow at 2pm.”

He grins widely, “Wicked. Filipe, you’re the absolute best. Now, would you mind—“

“I’ll get it for you right away, Zayn,” Filipe states and turns to get him his coffee.

Zayn checks his email in the meantime and has one from Harry Styles, the other half of Paynefully Styled.

_Subject: Parisian Air_

_Z-_

_I’ve missed this air; something about it has always made me feel like a new person, like anything is possible._

_It’s been a while but I know you still think of him, he does too.  He just won’t admit it.  We have a free day tomorrow and, as designers, we deserve it. I’ll be going to the Louvre with Louis while Liam sits in his café. I hope you’re here this year. I would love to see you. It’s been too long, Zayn, emails aren’t enough._

_I’m throwing a party at Louis’ flat. You know the place. It starts tomorrow at 12am. So I guess it starts Thursday morning.  Anyway, I hope I’ll see you in Milan, even if you’re not here in Paris._

_All the love,_

_H_

Zayn smiles at the email and puts the party in his iCal, just a reminder at 10pm to see if he really wants to go or if sleep will claim him.

Filipe returns with his espresso and he gives his thanks.  He thumbs over to another email from the company mail list telling him that he must be present at a mixer this evening in the Seventh Arrondissement. He scrolls through the guest list and is happy to find Harry’s name but not the other. He scrolls further down the list and, just as he suspected, he’s been left off so he can surprise his old friend.

Filipe calls him a car but he quickly makes him cancel it, “I prefer to walk, Filipe.  I love Paris in the autumn.”

“But you’ll get lost, I know you will!”

Zayn smiles, “That’s part of the fun, Filipe.”

He looks around the make shift office and see people trying to look busy. He’s walking out the door when he announces: “Everyone, please stop working, Haus Lantern is closed.” He can see the surprise on all their faces.  “You heard me.  It’s bare 6pm but I know we’ve got everything ready for tomorrow, go to your hotels and try to sleep!”

He sees grateful smiles and he walks out the door, leaving Filipe the responsibility of locking up, one he knows his assistant loves to do.

 

Zayn loves walking the Seine. It’s his favourite part about Paris. He gets to Notre Dame and takes a few photos of the people, not the cathedral.  He then works his way over to his preferred café in the area and grabs a table for one.  It’s right done the street from the church, near the metro for St. Michel. He can never remember it’s name but oh how he loves their tiramisu.

He orders and pulls his phone out again.  There’s another email waiting for him.  This time it’s from a name he’s forced himself to forget, at least try to forget.

_Subject: It’s autumn again_

_I’m in our city, as you like to call it.  Our city of love.  I walked by our building today, well not our building—your building. I remembered all the nights we stumbled in drunk, groping any part of the other we could find. I remembered how you tasted when you first woke up. I remembered how I held you when your father passed. I remember going to parties and being so proud to have you on my arm._

_I know you got the wedding invitation, just like I know you get these emails.  Maybe it’s better this way. You and I were never meant to last.  Maybe we were but I know that I miss you and I still smell your cigarettes everywhere I go.  I follow the person smoking them sometimes just to see if it’s you because I miss my old friend, Z._

_I wonder if you’re here too.  I hope you are.  I would love to catch up with you._

_I know you talk to Harry, why can’t you talk to me?_

_L_

“Because it hurts too damn much,” he murmurs to himself.

He finishes his early dinner, because he’s learned to never go to these events on an empty stomach, leaves the proper amount of euros, and walks to the metro. 

He loves the metro but this time, he’s terrified to get on it.  He saw him.

Those eye that crinkled with laughter from his jokes, the jaw line he’s kissed hundreds of times, and those hands that kept him safe. He sees him get on the metro and he steps back, allowing someone else get on it too.  It’s too much. It’s been two years and it’s still too much.

 

He arrives at the party a little shaken but excited.  He’s always loved Harry. Everyone does he’s sure. He spies a pair of gold boots he’s familiar with and makes a path for himself to get to them.

He taps him on the shoulder, his friend turns around only to see his eyes widen and a slow smile grows on his face.

“You absolute bastard. I haven’t seen you for two years!! It’s been too long Zayn!”

Harry goes in for a hug and he can’t help but return it, “I’ve missed you too Haz. You’re right, emails aren’t enough.”

Harry only hugs him tighter. He hears a throat clear behind him and then, “Harry, who are you hugging?”

Zayn laughs as Harry lets him go so he can turn to see Louis standing with a cross look on his face, “I didn’t know hugging wasn’t allowed! Sorry Lou.”

Louis just stands there but must get a clue from Harry because he surges forward and hugs him too.

“You still smell the same, Liam’ll be pleased to know.

He freezes. “Ah, so that’s how it is then?”

He pulls out of the hug, “I dunno what you mean, Lou.”

Louis scoffs, “I’m sure you don’t. He’s here you know.”

Zayn nods, “I know. Saw him on the metro. Probably off to his hotel.”

Harry shakes his head, “No, Zayn. He’s here.  At the party.”

His throat closes up. And his head moves from side to side, “I gotta.  Need to. I have to leave. I can’t see him.”

With that he’s running to the door, grabbing his gift bag as he leaves, not giving a glance behind him. He goes in to the street and hails a cab so he can get out of there as soon as possible.

 

He shoots an email to Harry saying he’s sorry and that maybe he’ll see him at the Louvre tomorrow.

He and Harry both know that won’t happen though.  He’s got plans tomorrow.

**

Filipe brings him his espresso and Zayn downs it in one go because he’s not even thinking at this point. “Filipe, please go over the model roster again for me, I’m leaving in a few minutes and I can’t be bothered.”

“Of course, sir. Anything else?”

“I will be off the radar until 2:30pm tomorrow afternoon, do not bother me with texts, call or emails. If there is an emergency, handle it to the best of your ability.”

Filipe nods, “thank you for trusting me, sir.”

Zayn waves his hand, “I always trust you Filipe, this is just one more thing I’m adding.” He looks down and checks his pockets, making sure he isn’t leaving anything, he isn’t.

“Okay, I’m off. “

“Bye sir,”

Zayn walks out the door and instead of a left to the direction of his hotel, he goes right.

 

He’s been walking for a while now. He should be getting there in a few seconds when he sees a taxi pull up a few streets ahead of him and he watches the person get out, it’s not who he’s expecting but it is someone he knows, “Niall!!”

He see’s the blonde’s head turn toward him, “Zayn?  Holy shit! It’s you!”

Zayn walks a bit faster to him and gets smothered into a hug.

“Fancy seeing you here!”

Zayn laughs, “Yeah, yeah. But you, how are you feeling?”

Niall smiles, “I’m great mate. I’m walking in Dior tomorrow, then I’ve got Chanel the next day.”

Zayn’s eyes widen, “Mate! That’s amazing!  You did it! You finally got the big fish!”

Niall blushes, “I wish you would stop doing that every time I tell you.  I’m just excited to go out on top you know?”

Zayn blushed this time; he had one of the most successful careers in modeling since, well. It’s been a long time since a male model did as many print campaigns as he did. He had contracts with four major labels and six minor ones.  He earned well over six figures for two years.

“I’m actually running late, are you going to be at the party at Lou’s?”

He nods, “I’ll be there, will you?”

He swallows, “Hopefully I’ll have a date.”

Niall smiles, “It’s about time you stopped pining after him, he is married after all. Later mate!”

Zayn hugs him and continues walking down the street.

He round the corner and sees the café. His steps get decidedly faster as he approached the front door. 

 

He walks in and he finds him at the table--the one where he first kissed Zayn, drinking his usual cappuccino with a chocolate croissant. Reading the French newspaper.

He's wearing a black turtle neck Zayn sent him a few years ago

And Zayn can't breathe but he has to do this. He came here to do this.  He pulls the chair out and sits while he waits for Liam to fold down the left side of his paper like he used to at breakfast all those years ago. He looks the same. His hair’s shorter.

A waiter comes over and looks at the table, surprised by his arrival, “Sir! It has been many years since I have seen you here! I was beginning to think you two had not worked it out.”

By this time, Liam’s not only folded the corner down but he’s lost the newspaper completely. Zayn smiles at the waiter, asking for his usual espresso and croissant.

“Of course, sir!”

Zayn finally turns his attention back to the person he always misses and smiles, weakly.

“Hello Liam.”

He can see the surprise wear off as Liam reaches across the table to touch his cheek. Zayn takes him in, he’s got scruff clinging to his face, the same warmth filling his eyes, his lips still form that perfect pout and Zayn’s heart hurts because he’s missed him so much.

Zayn smiles, “I’m really here, Li. Promise.”

That’s all it takes for Liam to smile and say, “I’ve missed you so much Z.”

Zayn looks away, the intensity in Liam’s eyes as he says it is too much.

“I have the day off, if you have time to spare.  I was just going to finish up here and then take a stroll.  Maybe go to the tower, if you wanted to join me.”

Zayn looks at him and nods, “I have nothing to do for the next twenty-three hours, my assistant assured me.”

Liam smiles brilliantly, “How wonderful, Louis and Harry are throwing a party tonight, if you wanted to go. Not that you would want to, I know how much you love sleep. I understand you probably don’t want to go, especially if I’m there.”

Zayn smiles, “Liam, do you want to be my date tonight? I find myself single in Paris and it can be quite lonely in our city of love.”

Liam laughs, “How are you still single?  You mean to tell me that you haven’t dated in two years? That you’ve avoided Fashion week for two years because you were lonely? Zayn, that’s ridiculous.”

Zayn smiles cruelly, “I never said I hadn’t dated anyone, there have been many in the last two years. I’ve also been to every Fashion week for the last five years.”

Liam looks confused, “Why didn’t you ever tell me?  I would have loved to see you, keep you company.”

“I wasn’t alone for the last two. I was with someone.”

“Oh.”

It hangs in the air. The confirmation that Zayn tried to move on. The proof that Zayn cut Liam out of his life once he got that stupid fucking wedding invitation. Zayn can’t say he doesn’t love Liam because he does, he absolutely does. He just knows that their three-month whirl wind romance ended for Liam long before it ended for Zayn. Liam had to get back to London to Sebastian and start designing the next fall line. Zayn understood, he needed to stay in Milan for modeling reasons but that didn’t make leaving Liam at the airport three days before he was really supposed to leave any easier.

 

“Where is he this year?” Zayn asks as he gestures to the ring donning Liam’s finger.

Liam glances down at it, “Sebastian is on a business trip in the States.”

Zayn smiles, “So you’re lonely in Paris as well?”

Liam nods.

Zayn reaches for Liam’s hand and looks him in the eye as he slides off the band, placing it on the table.

It’s an unspoken rule.

Liam had been engaged for two years before the wedding.  When he and Zayn met five years ago, Liam had been split up from Sebastian. Then after they ended, Liam got back together with him. Went so far as to get engaged.  Wore the sodding ring and everything.

Every fashion week after their first, Sebastian would conveniently be on a business trip. Zayn would meet Liam in this café and take off the engagement ring, acting as if it didn’t exist and they would pick up where they had ended last time.

He remembers the first time he took the ring off, Liam looked at him confused and asked why but Zayn shook his head and leaned across the table to kiss him and drop the ring into Liam’s bag for him to get later.

Liam looks at the ring sitting on the table then back at Zayn, he smiles, “Like old times, then?”

Zayn nods, “Like old times, babe. Just for tonight.”

Liam takes the ring and places it in his bag, “We can make it for more than just tonight, Z. I’m here for two weeks.”

Zayn shakes his head, “I only have tonight. I would stay but Milan Fashion week is next week and I have things to do.”

Liam tilts his head, “What shows are you walking in?”

“M not.  I own an agency now.”

Liam’s eyes widen, “What! Since when? What’s the name—we probably use you!”

Zayn laughs without any mirth, “I started it two years ago. It’s called Haus Lantern.  You definitely do not use us.”

Liam stares, realization creeping into his features, “You black listed me—us.”

Zayn nods, “I did. It was too much, you know?”

“You could have just told me. I would have understood,” Liam reassures.

He shrugs, “It’s in the past. Let’s be present, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Zayn gets his croissant and their waiter; Jacques if he remembers correctly, smiles at them both. He turns to Liam and says, “I told you he would come when he was ready.”

Liam smiles up at him, “He always knows when I need him the most.  He’s got a good radar.”

He walks away and Zayn smiles into his espresso remembering when they first came here.

 

“Come on Liam, I’m starving and I’m a model who very much loves food.  This place looks good!” Zayn ducks in and a man finds them a table for two.

“Zayn, we don’t have time! I have a show in an hour!”

Zayn smiles at him, “So what happens when the main designer isn’t there on time?”

Liam looks at him exasperatedly, “I don’t know..what?”

“The show doesn’t go on. If you’re not there right on time, it’ll be okay.  Plus, I just want a croissant. It’ll take three minutes.  Promise.”

Liam sighs, “Fine. Pouvons-nous avoir un corissant et un criossant de chocolat avec deux espresso, s'il vous plait?”

The waiter smiles at them and watches Zayn take Liam’s hand across the table, “Bien sur monsieur. Ah jeune amour. Le meilleur amour de tous.”

Liam blushes while Zayn asks, “What’d he say?”

“He uh, he said, young love. The best love of all.”

Zayn smiles and, “I’m inclined to believe him.”

He begins playing with Liam’s fingers until their stuff arrives and even when it does he doesn’t stop. “So Liam, tell me about what got you into designing clothes.”

Liam smirks, “Harry needed a custom shirt one evening, I sketched one out, bought the material and he sewed it. Took us about ten minutes to do the whole thing and we just never stopped. How did you start modeling?”

Zayn pops the rest of his croissant in his mouth, “Got scouted at uni, hated doing course work and the woman said I could make good money with a face like mine.  She wasn’t lying.  I’m walking in four shows this year.  Lanvin, DVF, Balenciaga, and Chanel.”

Liam sputters, “Wow. The big ones.”

Zayn shrugs, “I’m marketable as exotic.  The tattoos work in my favour more often than not. Maybe I can walk in your show next year. If you can afford me.”

Liam laughs, “I high doubt we can. This is our first season and we’re barely scraping by.”

Zayn smiles, “Well, if you have an extra outfit, I’d be more than happy to be your closer.”

Liam shakes his head, “No, we really can’t afford you.  Thank you though.”

“Can’t afford me? I haven’t even told you how much I cost,” Zayn’s baiting him.

The other man sighs, “How much do you cost?”

“A chocolate croissant and an espresso. Come on, you’ve paid me, now let me walk in your show.”

“I—no. Zayn there’s no way.”

Zayn moves his chair to Liam’s side of the table and touches his forehead with his own; “Let me do this for you, yeah?  I can help. My face at your show would do wonders for the line.  Please Liam?”

Liam pulls back and thinks for a quick second before he surges forward to connect their lips.

And it’s magic. Zayn can feel his blood flow a little faster while is breath is caught in his throat. Liam’s lips are plush and there’s just a touch to stubble on his face giving the best kind of friction, while his hands are cupping Zayn’s face so gently, as if he’s going to disappear the next time the wind kicks up. It ends all too quickly for Zayn but he opens his eyes and finds Liam beaming at him.

“Come on, I’ve paid you and then some. You owe me a walk in my clothes,” Liam tells him.

Zayn smiles and gets up while Liam thumbs out the euros.  The leave the café hand in hand practically running to Liam’s venue.

 

“What’s got you so happy then, hmm, mon étoile?”

Zayn’s heart warms because he hasn’t been called that in years.

“I’m here with you, jaan. It’s been a long time since we’ve been like this.”

Liam nods, “It has. It really has.”

Their waiter brings the bill and Zayn pays it without hesitation.  While Liam grabs his scarf, “I was wondering if you’d remember it was your turn.”

Zayn scoffs, “Its an odd year, Liam. Of course I remembered.”

Zayn looks up to see Liam pulling on a coat he knows he’s seen before.

He begins to ask, “Is that m-“

Liam cuts him off, “You left it in the hotel room. I didn’t want anyone else to have it. I couldn’t run after you because you told me not to.”

Zayn shakes his head, “Oh Liam. It’s been two years and you really think—never mind.  Come on, I made a reservation for us at the tower. It’s in fifteen minutes.”

“Did you—“

“Yes, I sent champagne that you like yesterday. Filipe is an amazing assistant.”

“You, my love, think of everything, don’t you?”

It’s that easy. It’s that easy to fall into their old ways.  Zayn has loved Liam for years.  Continuously. He doesn’t think it wavered for even a moment, not even when Liam chose to marry Sebastian.

Liam’s hold out his hand for Zayn to take as they walk out of the café and Zayn tries, he tries so hard, not to let hope bubble in his chest but it does. He takes it and they hail a taxi just like they use to.

 

Zayn will never get over the wonder that graces Liam’s features every time they go to the Eiffel. They went at least once every time they were in Paris together.  “Hey jaan.”

“Hmm?”

“Do you come to Paris with Sebastian?”

Liam shrugs, “I only come for fashion week.”

Zayn smiles as he reads between the lines.  _No, you daft idiot. Paris is our city. I couldn’t be here with anyone else_. He recalls Liam telling him that during their last time together.

“What about Milan?”

Liam looks away from the city at that, he sighs, “I haven’t been to Milan in five years.”

Zayn stops asking questions that Liam doesn’t want to answer.

“Do you come to Paris a lot outside of work?” Liam asks.

Zayn shakes his head, “Only for fashion week.”

“But you live in Milan?”

He nods, “Couldn’t bring myself to go back to London, or Paris. Milan seemed far enough away after we. I couldn’t.”

Liam takes a sip of his champagne.

The silence fills the air until an alert goes off, Liam pulls out his phone.

“Harry?”

Liam glances up, “Ah. No It’s. Bash.” He puts it away; “I’ll talk to him later.”

Zayn can’t help but ask, “Where does he think you are?”

Liam furrows his brow, “What’d you mean?”

“Where does your husband think you are?  Obviously he knows you’re in Paris but does he know you’re out with me?” Zayn clarifies.

“No.  He doesn’t kn..No.”

“He doesn’t know I even exist. At least not like this.”

“Not like this?” Liam asks.

“Not like this in the sense that we are past and present lovers, jaan.”

Liam ducks his head, “No. He doesn’t.  He’s blissfully unaware about my ex-model lover who is more attractive than any other man I’ve bedded.”

That earns Liam a pretty blush, “Liam, stop it.  I’m being serious!”

Liam looks at him seriously, “I’m being very serious as well Zayn. I’ve never had anyone so stunning both inside and out as you.”

Zayn sighs looking away, “Tell me something that matters, Zayn.”

“It’s been far too long since I’ve held your hand.”

Liam scoffs, “I mean something personal, Z.”

Zayn looks at him while he pauses to sip his champagne, “That is extremely personal, jaan. You know how I am.”

Because he does. Liam knows full well how Zayn is, not one for public displays unless he is completely sure of the person. It took Liam weeks to land a kiss on his lips instead of ending up with cheek.

Zayn finishes he flute and goes to pour another glass. Liam’s smirking at him, “Oh, so it’s going to be one of those nights?”

Zayn smiles, “Only if you want it to be.”

Liam shakes his head. “Can’t I’ve got a meeting at 8am tomorrow.”

Zayn nods his head as his smile fades, “Ah. Best make the most of it then, yeah?”

Zayn waves over the waiter and tells him to take the bottle away, enjoy it after his shift and to send him the bill, as usual.

Liam’s putting on his coat. He knows the routine by now. “My flat or yours?”

Zayn looks confused, “You have a flat here?”

He nods, “I bought it because I was tired of paying for hotels. I rent it to a friend who leaves town when I need it.” He checks his watch, “Speaking of which, I actually need to go feed the dog.”

Zayn gets more confused, “Dog?”

Liam grins, “Zayn, we bought Loki together. How could you forget?”

Zayn didn’t forget is the problem. He remembers vividly how he and Liam adopted the puppy and had him while they were together but Liam took him when he left. Zayn tried very hard not to cry about it, but failed miserably.

“I thought you might have gotten rid of him.  In case Sebastian got suspicious.”

“I told him I got Loki with a good friend and he hasn’t questioned it since.”

Zayn purses his lips, “Does Loki stay in Paris?”

Liam nods.

 

They enter the flat and Zayn’s surprised to find it so sterile.  It seems like no one lives here until they reach the kitchen.  The room has granite counter tops with a simple table he knows he picked out in a magazine when they were shopping in Milan for his place. He looks at the appliances and sees a six burner stove top and a double oven next to it. There’s a huge stainless steel fridge in the corner. The fridge has pictures all over it. 

It’s Liam with Sebastian, Liam with Sebastian, Louis and Harry. Sebastian with Harry. Harry and Liam, Liam and Louis. It seems like they’re all from the same night and Zayn cant help but stare.

He hears the jingle of a collar and his feet are crowded with a ball of fur. He laughs, “Loki! I’ve missed you too, my sweet puppy. How have you been?”

Liam watches from a far, a stoic look on his face.  Zayn would call him pensive if his heart wasn’t breaking.

“Why did you stop responding to my emails, Zayn?”

He freezes, and then sighs, “Because. It—It was too hard.  Too much. Too little. Words on a screen are nothing. It wasn’t enough of you.”

“Do you know how hard it is to stop myself from getting on a plane to come see you? Or to look you up online and find your office phone just so I can hear your voice.  I—It’s hard for me too. All I want sometimes is to go to Milan and meet you for an espresso just to see your smile.” Liam finishes his speech and Zayn’s idly petting the dog in his arms. “You’ve ruined this flat for me. I come here twice a year and now.  Now all ‘m going to remember is seeing you holding our dog in the middle of my kitchen.”

Zayn barks out a laugh. He places Loki back on the floor and sits on the counter, “Remind me why you left me.”

Liam has a sharp in take of breath. He moves to sit at the table, trying to form words.

“We.  We were too similar.  You still had a huge career in front of you and I—I didn’t want to be the reason you didn’t succeed. Plus, Harry needed me in London. You were in Milan. Transcontinental relationships don’t work out. Besides, I was on a break with Bash and we wanted to work things out. I would have always wondered what life with Bash was gonna be like. You came…you came later.”

Zayn shakes his head, “So because I came second you had to pick him? You mean you don’t ever wonder what your life would be like if you chose me? You don’t think about how we could have taken over the industry with your clothes and my models? You don’t ever wonder what our dinners would taste like?”

Liam leans forward, angry, “Bash and I had a lot of history!  You and I were nothing but physical attractions based on nothing but lust!”

Zayn raises an eyebrow, hurt blooming in his chest, “Nothing but lust, jaan?  Really.”

He scoffs while he gets off the counter, “I need a drink if we’re going to do this.”

He goes to the freezer and pulls out the bottle Grey Goose and searches for a glass.  He finds one in the drainer and pours himself a generous glass.

Liam’s eyes follow his actions, but glances at his hands when Zayn turns to look at him while he takes a drink.

“Zayn, I love Bash.” Zayn laughs bitterly into his glass “And I love you! But we are only ZaynandLiam because our relationship is based on me and my relationship with Bash and you and your..many relationships.”

“My many relationships? Are you calling me a slag?”

“I’m not trying to criticize! I’m trying to explain why we didn’t work!  You and I can never be anything more than this because these days and stolen moments are exactly that.  We are in this convoluted thing because we choose to be like this, “ Liam states.

Zayn shakes his head, “No, Liam. We are in this convoluted thing, as you so eloquently put it, because you were the one who chose it to be like this. I wanted—No. I want you. Still. I want you to leave him and be—be with me.  I wanted that in Milan! I thought you did too.”

“It was!  Right up until you kept leaving to go on modeling jobs or go sees. I was alone with Loki most of the time.  You barely noticed I was there.”

Zayn stares blankly, “I was 20! What did you expect me to do?  I had never been in a relationship before!  I didn’t even know what you being with me was supposed to mean—except that you wanted to be with me.  I thought that was the important part.  That you knew I wanted to be with you instead of working.  I always want to be with you.”

They sit in silence for a few moments. Liam begins the conversation again, “It doesn’t matter. It’s the past.”

Zayn’s eyes flash with anger, “Doesn’t matter?  It matters to me, Liam! I’m the one who has to live my life without you!  You get come home to someone at the end of this!  You have someone to hold you at night while my arms are empty.  I have to swallow my pride and go to you after two years of feeling lonely in it.  I’m the one who has to take off that hideous gold band you display so proudly.”  Zayn’s close to tears but he won’t allow himself to cry. Not yet.

“I have to come to a flat and see pictures of you with Sebastian.  Pictures that show you’re happy and in love. The show me you have a life with him.”

He pauses, “It matters. But now I guess I have my answer. You didn’t want me. Don’t want me. “

“No,” comes fiercely from Liam’s mouth.  “I wanted you---want you. I always will, Zayn but this, you and me; it can’t go on forever. People don’t get that lucky.”

“Harry and Louis were,” Zayn points out.

“They’re a special case.”

“Liam, we met on the street reaching for the same comic book.  How does that differ from running into each other in the bathroom?” Zayn asks exasperatedly.

“It’s different. We are different.”

“Then what was I Liam? An experiment? Your last affair before monogamy?”

Liam blanches, “Of course you weren’t! You were a breath of fresh air in my life.  You helped me become a better person.  You were what I needed.”

“Needed?” Zayn asks curiously.

“Yes, needed! Is that so hard to believe?  I needed you. I always needed you.  I still need you. I saw you in a café hours ago and now you’re in front of me looking so handsome. I—I have a husband, yes. But when it’s 3am and I’m lying awake all I remember is you.  You’re my favourite memory to have on repeat.”

Zayn isn’t sure when it happened but Liam’s standing much closer to him now. His chair abandoned at the table. He looks at Liam’s mouth.

“Need me you say?”

Liam nods, “These past two years have been so dark without you.  I need you, mon étiole.”

That’s all it takes for him to close the space and kiss him.  He tastes the same. Sweet for the champagne, salty from the crisps he loves and just a hint of bitterness that Zayn knows comes from the cigarettes he hooked him on. He wonders how he went two years without this: without tasting Liam.

Liam still kisses the same, gentle intensity that you wouldn’t expect from him. Their mouths move in sync like they always do and soon he has his tongue licking into Liam’s mouth searching for more flavors it hasn’t found.

He feels Liam grip his hips and move him back to the counter.  He lets him guide them because he’s too busy trying to re-memorise the texture of Liam’s hair.

He’s just moved to Liam’s neck because he adores this birthmark and he kisses it as his mobile goes off. Liam freezes.  Zayn sighs and rests his head on Liam’s shoulder before he moves to pull it out of his pocket.

Harry’s name is on the screen so he knows he has to answer it.

“Hi Hazza, What’s up?”

Liam relaxes.

“Can you and Liam come by a bit early tonight?  And maybe bring a bottle of wine?  Lou and I got a bit distracted at the museum today and we forgot to buy your favourite.”

Zayn looks at Liam, “Who says I’m with Liam?”

Harry laughs, “He posted a picture from the tower.  He only goes there with you. He hasn’t been in two years. But you’re right.  I could be wrong.”

Zayn shakes his head, “You’re not. But I’m not going to forgive you for forgetting my Malbec.  I’m very offended.”

“H, get off the phone. I have a charcuterie board I need help with!”

Harry clears his throat, “Right, you heard the man, I’ve got meats to slice.  I’ll see you two at 10:30, yeah?  We’ll have dinner as a foursome.”

He smiles, “Just like old times.”

“Bye Z. Give my love to Liam.”

The call ends and Zayn looks at Liam, “Harry knows we’re together.  Says you posted a picture from the tower.  Says you only go to the tower with me.”

Liam flushes, “I just. We have too good of memories there for me to go with anyone else.”

 _For me to go with Bash:_ the unsaid sentence but Zayn hears it anyway.

“Right, let’s. We need to go to a SPAR and get some wine.  Harry wants us over for dinner before the party.”

Liam nods, “Sounds good.”

 

After popping in and out of SPAR, they walk down the street to find Louis’ flat.  Zayn’s always marveled at their relationship. Louis chose Paris for his career. He owns his an online company that provides venues for events.  That’s how he and Harry met.

They round the corner and see the building, only a block from the tower; it’s idyllic really. Three bedrooms, two baths with the biggest open floor plan he’s seen.  Zayn knows it cost him a pretty penny but Louis loves to spoil and be spoiled.

Liam’s holding his hand and he let’s himself forget that this isn’t his real life.

They enter the code on the building and climb the stairs talking about what designers they really cannot wait to see this week.  Zayn is in the middle of telling Liam about the shows he’s supplied models for when the door they’re walking to opens.

“I thought I heard English! Zayn! I’ve missed you,” Louis says as he holds the door open for them to come in.

Zayn sets the grocery bag on the floor and hugs him, “It’s been too long, Lou.  I’ve missed you too.”

“And whose fault is that?” Comes floating in from the kitchen.

“I’m glad you two are together, even if it’s just for a moment. I know how much you love your stolen moments,” Louis says fondly.

Liam pats Louis on the back, “Come on, I was promised dinner.”

The three men head to the kitchen to help Harry finish off the meal so they can eat as soon as possible.

 

They’re all sitting in the living room.  Zayn and Liam are on a love seat; Louis and Harry are on separate armchairs.  Zayn’s got his arm around Liam as the other man is settled into his chest, almost spooning if you wanted to be technical. Zayn’s fingers are idly stroking the exposed flesh on Liam’s arm, enjoying the man’s warmth, Louis is telling a story about his time in Thailand last month. 

“We’re all meditating in this wide room and I can already tell no one is really into it but then an elephant comes walking into the room and makes a noise with his trunk, scaring the monks and everyone else,” Louis and Harry are laughing while Zayn smiles and places a kiss on the top of Liam’s head. 

He can tell by Liam’s breathing he’s asleep. He smiles at him and looks up, wondering why it’s gotten quiet. “Hmm? Did you ask me something?”

Harry smiles, “No, we just have about fifteen minutes before people start arriving and we’ve got dishes to do. We’ll be in the kitchen. Come on Lou.”

“Be there in a sec, H.” Louis levels his gaze, “You did a really shit thing when he got married.”

Zayn looks away. He knew he couldn’t avoid this forever. “I didn’t-“

Louis shakes his head, “I don’t care. I really don’t. But let me tell you how hard it was to let him marry that idiot.” He pauses, “I tried everything to get you there, remember? Cause I thought: if he just sees Zayn he’ll understand it’s a mistake. He’ll get it.  But you didn’t and I was left with a sobbing drunk Liam, on his bachelor’s night, asking me: where’s Zayn, I need to call him and tell him I love him. Tell him that I want it to be him.” He swallows, “He woke up the next morning swearing me to secrecy, telling me that he was drunk and that it didn’t mean anything.”

He shakes his head, “You fucked up, mate. I understand why. I really do.  But these two years that you haven’t gone to him, he’s been dead. I haven’t seen him laugh this much in ages.  He might have married Bash but he loves you.”

Louis gets up and Zayn is left with his thoughts.  He pulls Liam closer to him before he has to let go, again.

 

Niall never met Liam. In all the times their paths could have crossed, it never happened.  Niall’s been his best friend for ages and he’s never met Liam. So when the blond approaches them at the party it’s no surprise when he says, “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone is Paris, mate! It’s good to meet you, I’m Niall.”

Liam shakes his hand and says, “We aren’t seeing each other.  We’re just good friends.”

Zayn’s heart breaks a but more but Niall, being Niall, “Good friends that fuck?”

He laughs and Liam does too but they don’t answer the question. 

Zayn get’s motioned away by Harry and he looks to Liam, “Hazza needs me, I’ll be right back. Are you okay with Niall?”

He nods, “I’ll be fine.”

Zayn walks away and Niall starts his interrogation, “Where does he think you are?”

Liam raises his brows, “Who?”

Niall smiles, “Your husband. Where does Sebastian think you are?”

“He told you about?”

Niall shakes his head, “Zayn doesn’t tell anyone anything.  Zayn drunkenly spills his guts.  Told me all about this amazing guy named Liam and how he fell in love so quickly but then you got engaged, well I think you know the rest. So?”

“Bash is in the States, on business.”

“Is he faithful?”

He nods.

“He doesn’t know about Zayn then, does he?”

He shakes his head.

“Do you think he would be angry with you for being with Zayn tonight, if he knew?”

Liam coughs, “He wouldn’t have a right to be, besides, tonight hasn’t even begun yet.”

Niall nods his head, “Do you know Laurent?”

Liam’s brow furrows,” No?”

Niall nods, “His on again, off again. I think they’re off but I can never be sure. He’s a great guy.”

Liam deflates at that as Zayn comes back to them, “Sorry jaan, he needed someone to taste the vegan dip. What did I miss?”

Niall laughs, “Nothin’, mate. Just asking Liam about the new line he’s showing.”

Zayn smiles, “I bet it’s sick. Can’t wait to look at it in the papers.”

 

It’s sometime later when Niall gets Zayn alone, “I really like him. And I like Laurent. How long has it been since you’ve seen him?”

Zayn smiles, “Two years. He got married and I thought it would never be the same but I was wrong.”

Niall laughs, “You’ll never be the same.  He’s changed. So have you. You’ve spent what? Four months together, total?”

Zayn nods.

Niall shakes his head, “Keep it as it is.  If he wants to change it, let him but don’t try to force him out of his marriage. You’ll ruin it.” Niall gets serious, “He’s the one isn’t he?”

Zayn tilts his head, “hmm?”

“He’s the one that keeps you from picking Laurent,” Niall clarifies.

“It’s hard to picture your life with someone when you already know what you want it to look like,” Zayn answers.

Liam joins them and kisses Zayn on the mouth then whispers in his ear, “Mon étiole, I want dessert.” Liam’s teeth pull his lobe into his mouth and, yeah Zayn wants dessert too.

 

Zayn opens his hotel room door and flicks on the light, Liam walking in after him.  He shuts the door and sees Liam go directly to the toilet.

He leaves the door open so he stands in the doorway watching Liam lift his cologne to his nose and breathing in; a smiles forms on Liam’s face.

Zayn clears his throat and Liam looks over at him, “I’ve wondered what your scent was for years and now I know its Gucci. I smelled this in London once and followed a guy around Chelsea for hours just breathing and remembering you.”

 Zayn smiles, “Oh jaan, Come on, let’s have a drink from the ridiculously expensive mini bar and have a bubble bath. It’s been too long since we’ve had one.”

Liam’s still standing at the sink when Zayn comes back in, he tares blankly at the bathtub.

“Jaan, what’s wrong?” Zayn asks.

Liam looks startled, “Hmm? No. Nothing.  I was just thinking about our second fashion week.”

Zayn smiles, “It was a great week.”

It was. They had met at their café and Liam told him he got engaged. Which would have made him sad had Liam not kissed him directly afterward saying ‘It’s not happening anytime soon, so let’s enjoy the present.’

Zayn agreed and decided to rid Liam of the reminder altogether.  Later that night they had mind-blowing sex.  Zayn remembers them having it in the shower, then the bed and then once more before Zayn had to leave to walk in a show.  They booked the same hotel so it was easier then. Harry and Louis had seen what they were doing and decided to not comment on it because Liam was happy again, really happy.

The next two fashion weeks followed suit. Until the fourth year when Zayn got Liam’s wedding invitation three weeks before it. He was getting married that December. Zayn wrote him an email saying he quit the business and he wouldn’t be returning to Paris. He’s never cried more than when he let go of Liam.

Zayn looks at the tub and raises his eyebrow suggestively, “Shall we?”

Liam smiles, “We shall.”

 

 

“Tell me,” Liam starts, “Tell me about Laurent.”

Zayn was picking up water and trailing it down Liam’s arms, his arm stops moving of it’s own volition. “I don’t want to talk about Laurent. I want to talk about you.  Why did Harry do most of the line this year?”

Liam shrugs, “Bash wanted me to be more present in our marriage. So I stepped back a little.”

“You stepped back and let Harry’s relationship suffer.” He kisses Liam’s shoulder, “Did it work?” He asks between kisses.

“I’m sitting in a bathtub with you, do you think it worked?”

Zayn laughs, “I thought we were different, Liam.”

“Mon étoile, we are different. But a fabulous different. We are the kind of different people would kill to be,” Liam tells him.

He smiles at that, “Come to Milan with me.”

Liam stills, “I can’t. Bash thinks I’m in Paris for the next two weeks.”

“Sebastian also thinks you’re alone. Please, jaan.  I want you there. We can bring Loki. Tell him you’re getting new ideas for the next line,” he suggests.

Liam sighs wistfully, ”Ask me in the morning, Z. What is the actual time?”

Zayn reaches for his phone, “It is exactly 4am.”

Liam groans, “I have to be up in two hours, why did you let me stay up this late?”

Zayn grins, “You know I don’t have the control in this relationship, you just have to look at me and I cave.”

He laughs, “That’s true.”

 

They’re getting out of the tub and Zayn wants to touch every portion of Liam’s body but stops himself because he promised he wouldn’t do that.  He won’t sleep with Liam.

“Come on, Li, let’s get in bed. You need a power nap.”

Zayn hands him a towel and they dry off together, Zayn tossing him a pair of his boxers. Liam catches them and puts them on.  “Thanks, Z.”

He smiles and moves out of the bathroom to let Liam do his nightly routine with his products. Liam loved using his stuff when he was a model and Zayn knows it, so he smiles when he goes back in after spraying the sleeping mist on the pillows and spies Liam dabbing on eye crème.

“Ready for bed than?”

Liam looks at him, “Will you be the big spoon?”

Zayn thinks his face is gonna split from how big his smile is, “I would love to be the big spoon, jaan.”

Liam gets on the bed first but waits to get comfortable until Zayn shuts out the light, “I’ve got an alarm for 6:30, you should have enough time to run to your flat and get to your meeting on time.”

Liam sighs sleepily, “You think of every thing, mon étoile.”

Zayn’s on his back while Liam’s body is snug against his side, his arm coming over the top of him. He can feel Liam’s breath on his chest coming in warm puffs.  That’s the last thing he remembers before he gets jostled awake by Liam getting out of bed.

“S time already?” He moves to get up because he isn’t missing Liam leave him again.

Liam’s pulling on his clothes, “Go back to sleep Z.  I’m gonna run to the meeting and then I’ll come back here.  You don’t have anything til two, right?”

Zayn grumbles a yes

“I’m taking your room key, I’ll be back with breakfast. I love you!”

The door clicks shut before he can say anything in response so he falls back into bed with a smile on his lips.

 

He’s awoken by a soft voice calling him, “Zayn.  Darling, come on, we only have three hours left.”

He stirs at that, his eyes open to those wonderful brown ones, “Morning Li, I love you too by the way.”

He huffs and reaches to pull Liam back in bed, “I know, I brought you a croissant, mon amour.”

Zayn smiles, ”You’re the best.”

The sit in silence while he eats, enjoying each other’s company; he glances at the clock, “How was your meeting?”

Liam hums, “Good. Just talked about handling the spring collection.  Harry wants a vacation so I’m taking it over.  Spoke with Bash about it and he doesn’t seem too pleased with it. He’ll have to deal.”

“So you’ll be here for the spring week as well?”

Liam nods, “Yep. I’ll be the one doing the finishing touches.”

Zayn smiles, “Maybe I’ll supply you with models. Since I’ll be here then as well.”

Liam grins, “That would be perfect,” his smile fades, “Except Bash will be with me.”

Zayn robotically nods, “Right. I forgot. Maybe you and I can meet for dinner one evening then.”

“You want to meet Bash?”

He shakes his head, “I have no intention of ever meeting him. I was inviting you alone.”

Liam looks away in relief. The silence returns and Zayn swears he can hear a clock ticking.

He gets out of bed and goes to his suitcase. He’s blindly pulling clothes out not caring if they match because he’s going to lose it soon and he really doesn’t need Liam to see it. “I’m gonna shower, yeah?”

He quickly walks to the bathroom and locks the door before Liam can come in after him. He turns the water on and lets out what is, hopefully, a quiet sob.

 

He comes out to find Liam sitting on the bed ready to leave, “At least you waited to say good bye this time.”

Liam looks at him, “I’m giving you Loki.  I..I can’t have him in London.  He’s with a stranger in Paris and he probably misses Milan.”

Zayn would usually be over joyed but he knows there’s a catch, “Go on then.  Say the rest of it.  I know there’s more.”

Liam takes a deep breath, “You need to pick Laurent. I’m.  I’m with Bash and you need to be happy too.  I want you to be happy.  I need you to be happy. We—We have to move on. We can’t keep doing this. I supposed to be in love with my husband and instead I’m a fool for you. You can’t be in love with me when I belong to Bash.”

He should have seen this coming but that doesn’t stop the blood freezing feeling from spreading through his body. He knew it was too good of a day/night/morning.  He was naïve.

“Please, can we not make a big deal about this?  I’ll have my assistant drop him off at your Haus.  We won’t even have to see each other. We avoided each other for two years. We can do it again. I know we can,” Liam finishes.

Zayn is slowly nodding his head, “Leave. It’s what you’re good at Liam. Your designs pale in comparison to your ability to leave and take every piece of my heart with you. So please, do it again. I’m sure there are parts you haven’t got—Just go. Please.”

Liam looks taken aback, “Why are you being so hostile? I just want to be civil about this.  I’m not leaving Bash!  He’s—“

“He’s your husband. I am aware,” Zayn says.

“Riddle me this Liam: who is the person you want to tell your good news to? Who is the person you lie awake thinking about? Who is the person that you’d share the worst parts of yourself with? Who is the person who encourages you through everything you do? If it’s Sebastian, then by all means, go and be happy but if I am the answer for even one of those questions you do not belong to Sebastian. For fuck’s sake! You don’t belong to anyone! You belong with someone because you are not a possession!”

Zayn brings his hands to cup his face, he drags them down in frustration, “I love you, Liam. Please know that I will always have room in my life for you, but please leave.”

Liam stands there shell shocked so Zayn goes to the door and holds it open for him, “Have an amazing show. I know you’ll be great.”

Liam walks out the door and Zayn slams it after he clears the frame.  He hits his head against it a few times before slamming a fist against it. He knows if he opened his eyes he wouldn’t be able to see anything through the tears that won’t stop coming.

 

It’s an hour later when his phone goes off, Filipe’s tone.  He walks over to it and sees that it’s almost two. “Yeah?”

“Zayn, I’m sorry to bother you but someone just dropped off a dog.”

He swallows, “Yeah it’s uh. He’s mine. His name’s Loki. Give him some water and add a pet to my flight back to Milan.  And start ordering dog stuff.”

“What kind of dog stuff, sir?”

“Listen, Filipe, you are an extremely intelligent man.  I like the colours black and green. Get anything you think a dog would need working with in those limitations, okay?”

“Of course, sir.”

“And I need to talk to someone about handling Paris Fashion Week in the spring.  I don’t want to come back here.”

“So London and Paris are blacklisted, sir?”

“Yes.”

“It’s done sir. Anything else?”

“Do you know how to block an email?”

“I can learn, sir.”

“Great. When I’m in at two I’ll have you do just that. Thanks Filipe.”

 

“Are you sure sir? Once I do this all communications with this email will end.”

“Press the button Filipe.”

“He’s gone, sir. Also, there is a Harry Styles from Paynefully Styled in the Lobby for you.”

“Send him in. And grab us some lunch.”

“What will Mr. Styles want?”

Zayn laughs, “I meant for us Filipe”

“Ooh.  I’ll be back soon.”

 

“I thought you two were finally good again, what happened?”

Zayn shakes his head, “Ask Liam. He’s the one who did this. Not me.”

Harry stares, “Liam’s been crying all day, Zayn.  Why would he be crying if he did it?”

He shrugs, “Probably because I told him he didn’t love his husband. And forced him to realise it more than he already did.”

“You didn’t,” is the shocked reply.

“Harry.  He gave me Loki as a peace offering.  He’s the one that told me to choose Laurent. He did this and I refuse to let you make me feel guilty when I’m already hurting. You can stay and we can talk about other things or you can go do your job.”

Harry nods, ”I’ll see you next time then.”

Zayn tsks, “You won’t.”

Harry’s nostrils flare, “You’re blacklisting Paris too?”

He pick at a piece of lint. Avoiding eye contact, “He made his bed. Now he has to lie in it.”

Harry shakes his head, “You’ve lost the fucking plot, mate. Liam loves you. You love him. Why are you being stupid?”

“I won’t ask someone to be with me when they fight it every step of the way.”

He looks at Harry, “Good luck at your show.  Call me if you need models for next fall.  I’ve blacklisted you for the Spring because I know you’ll be on vacation.”

Harry nods, “See you, Zayn.”

He waves.

“Have a lovely day Mr. Styles!” Filipe is calling. “I have your lunch, Zayn.  Where do you want me to place it?”

“I’m not even hungry anymore, Filipe. Thank you for getting it for us as well as the dog stuff. I really appreciate it.” He pauses, “Book yourself a week off when we’re done with Milan. You deserve it.”

“Will you be taking time off as well, sir?”

“I’m gonna go home.”

“You’ll stay in Milan?”

“No, Filipe, I’m going to Bradford.”

 

 

It’s still early January but Zayn is in the midst of arranging female models for the upcoming shows. He’s got Filipe doing the same thing with the male models. He has a phone call from Zuhair Murad on speaker, “I’m sorry mate, she’s just not available no matter how many ways---What if she closed the show?”

“I would be open to that.”

Zayn relaxes, “I’ll call you tomorrow with a final call list, does that work?”

“I look forward to it.”

The call ends and Zayn is so overwhelmed. His company expanded so much since September.  He can’t help but say to Filipe, “you know in The Devil Wears Prada when Nigel says ‘let me know when your personal life goes up in flames, that means it’s time for a promotion’?”

Filipe nods.

“Right. Well he was completely correct. We haven’t stopped since September and my personal life went to shit in September.”

“I’m sorry Zayn.”

He shakes his head, “It’s okay.” He checks the time, “Christ. I need to feed Loki. Can you close up?”

Filipe nods, “Of course. Have a good date night. Tell Laurent I say hello.”

Zayn’s movements are jerky, “Laurent and I broke up.  It’s not fair to him. He needs to be with someone who can give him all their focus.  Running your own company doesn’t give you that luxury.”

Filipe is contemplative, “I’m sorry, Zayn. Oh, before you go, a Louis Tomlinson sent you this,” He reaches for a piece of paper.

Zayn takes it from him and reads: We Did It!  Happy New Year! Love The Tomlinson’s! There’s a picture of their hands with wedding bands and he’s so happy for them.

“Send them my tier one present.”

“The vacation, sir?”

“That’s the one. The private villa option.  Fiji.”

Filipe nods and adds it to his list, “Would you like to make it all inclusive?”

“Yes please. Good night Filipe.”

“Night, sir.”

 

He gets home to Loki and he’s finally alone which some people would hate but he loves.  At least that’s what he tells himself. He opens his email and finds one from Harry.

_Subject: Liam_

_Z,_

_Liam just found out that Sebastian has been cheating on him for the past year. He’s been drinking heavily and I’m writing this to warn you. He keeps talking about you.  I think he might be doing something stupid. The divorce papers have been drawn up and they’re dividing up properties. Liam doesn’t want anything; he just said ‘I want mon étoile back’ during the lawyer meeting._

_He still wants you Zayn._

_Do you want him?_

_All the love._

_H_

 

He sits in shock and god damn it he knew he hate that prick.  Yes, he is aware just how hypocritical this whole situation is but…but what? Emotionally cheating is just as bad a physical. It’s more harmful.  Zayn feels like shit for being mad but how dare Sebastian hurt his jaan.  How dare he.

His phone starts going off just as there’s a knock on the door. He chooses the door so he can shut Loki up and he finds someone he doesn’t know.

 “Posso aiutarla?”

“I know you speak English.” The man has blue eyes and dirty blonde hair, possesses a larger build than him and he looks familiar at the same time.

“Oh, sorry. I never know. Can I help you? Are you lost?”

“I’m not lost. Tell me, Zayn. When did you decide to ruin my life?”

Zayn stares at him, “Sorry mate, I need a bit more context?”

“When was the last time you saw my husband? Wait, what is it that you call him? Jaan?”

He freezes, “Sebastian?”

“When, Malik. Tell me.”

“September.”

“Did you fuck him?”

Zayn looks offended, “No. I didn’t.”

The man nods, “I’ve always wondered why he never fought me when I had to leave for Fashion week. I thought ‘he’s so dedicated, he doesn’t want to be distracted’. I wondered why he seemed happier after Fashion week when he’s always stressed the rest of the time. I wondered why he stopped being romantic. But now I get it. I see why he never tried to be more that what was necessary in a husband.”

Zayn’s staring wide eyed, he continues, “He’s been a different person since September. Worse than the past few years. He moped, daily. Cries in the shower. Takes baths all the time. Bought new cologne. But I get it now.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Sebastian shakes his head, “Because I know what it’s like to love Liam and to have him love you in return. This doesn’t make what you did or what I did a good thing because I hate you but Liam deserves to be happy. Go to him.”

Zayn’s sure his face is the perfect image of shocked.

“That’s all I will say. Good night Zayn.  Goodbye Loki, no wonder you hated me.”

He walks away and down the stairs and Zayn needs a drink.  A drink and a plane ticket.

 

He’s counting building numbers until he find the one he wants, 345. There it is nestled between 343 and 347. He enters and goes to the elevators, leash in hand with a bag on his shoulder.  He’s never been here so it should be interesting.

The elevator he gets into zooms him off to the 15th floor and it’s got one door, meaning the person who owns it, has the whole level to themselves. Zayn’s impressed. He rings the doorbell and waits.  He blocks the peephole with his finger to keep the surprise going. The door opens and he’s greeted by a Liam, who looks like he hasn’t showered in three days.

“Jaan, I missed you.”

Liam sputters and rakes his eyes over Zayn.

“Am I dreaming, please don’t let me be dreaming.”

“Not dreaming, Li. We’re really here,” he shrugs.

Liam pulls him into his arms and he can smell his cologne on his skin, “Mon étoile, I missed you so much. Everything hurt for so long, I though it would never end.”

Zayn hugs him tighter, “I know jaan, I felt the same way.”

“Liam, I want to give us a proper try. I want to be your boyfriend and adopt dogs with you.”

Liam laughs, pulling away from the hug, “Good cause I want to be properly spooned all night, and take baths, and speak broken French. I want to do it all. All of it with you.”

Zayn kisses him then says, “Liam, you’re off my black list and you know I love you but please, for the love of god, get in the shower. You smell and I can’t wine and dine you when you’re in this state.”

Laugh laughs fully, ”Only if you join me.”

Zayn smirks, “If I ever say no to that, I’ve lost my mind.”

 

“Zayn, where did you put the—“

“The model roster is on your desk where I placed it.”

It’s been three weeks since Zayn moved Haus Lantern to London.  It feels good to be back.  He missed so much about it but he really loves the benefits.  He and Liam found a new place, with a garden.  It’s a three bedroom flat with updated fixtures in Covent Garden and Zayn couldn’t be more in love. The use one room for Liam’s designs and they’re happy.  Zayn can finally say that he has everyth—

“Mon étoile?”

Zayn looks at him, ”Yes?”

Liam smiles, “you had a dreamy look in your eyes, where did you go?”

Zayn tips his head, “Paris.”

Liam’s laughter fills the room, “We’ll always have Paris, won’t we?”

Zayn giggles, “Are you quoting that movie or are you remembering too?”

“A bit of both.”

“You’re right Liam, we’ll always have Paris.”


End file.
